Don’t settle for being 2nd best!

They say in your entire lifetime, you can count your truest friends on one hand, and that I can believe.

For me, I never really had many friends as a child. I partly grew up with my grandparents and was usually alone, which I did not mind. I’ve always liked and appreciated my alone time. I would say that I have 3 very good friends that I know and can talk to about my opinions and secrets.

I met one of them from Secondary school and we’ve always been compared to as sisters, glued to the hip. But then College came, University came, loss happened and we had different jobs in different countries. We changed as beings, going on a different journey, which was to be expected.

“Drainers” & “Radiators”

They say when it comes to friendships, there are “drainers” and radiators”.

Terms that I never heard of before but was able to compare them to past and present friends.

The friends that I have lost, I have had no regret with distancing myself from them. It turned out they were more “drainer” types of friendships. The ones where they drain the energy from you. They took more from the friendship than they gave. They were more concerned with their own issues rather than offering to listen.

Some of these friendships still remain because of “2nd chances” I suppose. Who knows what will happen over the next matter of months. Trying to look at the positive side of things.

What it comes down to though, is about not settling for 2nd best.

It’s all about self-respect at the end of the day. If people don’t put the effort in with communication then it’s all about telling them and doing what you think is best for your happiness. Find people that bring the best out of you and make you feel that you are enough. From working on that communication, prioritise about compromising with one another.

  • Write a list of your closest friends and acquaintances and see who are the “drainers” and “radiators”. See how it makes you feel.
  • Schedule time into your week, even if it’s walking to work, the gym, the library, wherever and send a message to them enquiring how they are and giving them a summary of your day/week/ month.
  • Write monthly letters. I know it’s not what most people do, but for me I find it very special. Nothing makes me happier than seeing someones handwriting and what they have to say. It makes it more personal. This old tradition has been restarted with a friend as we have had some space from each other. Writing a letter each month shows about putting the effort in. Friendships are like any other relationship. You put the effort in to maintain it.
  • Try to set up meet-ups for a coffee or a reunion with the old gang.
  • Don’t be afraid to say what you think!! The important thing is to be aware of any remarks/ statements coming across rude or offensive.
  • It’s important to open up to our closest friends however sometimes, it may put that negativity upon them. Try, sometimes, to think of the good things in life and radiate those positive thoughts. Maybe it will do your friend some good, not always having to hear the bad things about your day.

“Some people are willing to betray years of friendship
Just to get a little bit of the spotlight.”
– Lauren Conrad


  1. Wonderful post, Kayla! And I agree wholeheartedly! When I was young, Iwas betrayed more times than I can count. But when I began being selective about who I let into my life, all that seemed to change like magic!

    Thank you for this post! So many people, especially targets of bullying, need to read it!

    I’ll schedule it for reblog in the lineup on Chateau Cherie.

    Liked by 1 person

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